Discipline techniques are about teaching children appropriate behavior and helping them become independent and responsible people.

Punishment, which sometimes comes in the form of name calling, isolating a child, or using physical force, may give you immediate results, but is often ineffective and too harsh. These actions don't really teach anything about appropriate behavior, and too much punishment can harm a child's self-esteem. It can even make her afraid of her parent or guardian. Is this really helping? Does it prevent future misbehavior?

Your number one strategy for effective discipline is developing a loving relationship with your kids. It is within the context of a warm and caring relationship that you have the greatest power to influence your children's behavior.

However, since discipline is about teaching your kids to eventually monitor their own behavior, you'll also need a number of strategies at your disposal, which you can pick and choose from as you reinforce positive ways to exhibit self-control.

The following is a simple guideline to effective discipline. When disciplining your children, you must be aware that not all techniques will work for all children, but consistency is the key. Use this information help you determine what technique to use and how to apply the techniques to get the most from them. To find out which form of discipline is most effective for each age group, click here.

Testing your limits is a healthy part of your children's growth and development. In order to be an effective disciplinarian, you need to have a game plan in place before they misbehave. What are your expectations? Create a set of 3-5 rules that apply in all situations. These are the "ground rules" that apply at all times. In addition, taking the time to occasionally review the ground rules together will reinforce your expectations and help raise your children's awareness of their behavior.

If your child breaks these "ground rules", a useful tool to use is the Better Behavior Wheel.
When kids know that being naughty will always result in having to spin the Wheel, it makes for a really good deterrent for bad behavior. I hang mine in the kitchen, in plain sight of all.

Genuine praise has a powerful effect on your children's behavior, as well as their self-concept. Regardless of how cavalier your children may appear, they actually crave your approval and the acknowledgment of their achievements. This includes their efforts to work hard at following your directions, as well, so make a point of telling them that you noticed. Seek out opportunities to praise them each day.

It's important for us, as parents, to realize that raising our voices only teaches our children to tune us out. Instead, develop a serious tone you can turn on when you want your kids to know you mean business. This voice is likely a notch or two lower than your regular speaking voice. It is especially effective to turn on this "firm" voice when you're issuing a warning.

At times, our children misbehave because they want us to tell them where "the line" is. Communicating a boundary tells your child that you believe they are capable of managing their own behavior within a certain context. For example, you might say, "You're welcome to play outside, but you must stay in the backyard." Setting boundaries reinforces our expectations and sends a message to our kids that we believe they are capable of meeting those expectations.

Sometimes the most appropriate response to misbehavior is simply redirecting your child's attention. This is especially helpful with young children who may be expressing their sense of curiosity, as opposed to directly disobeying your directions. For example, if you don't want your toddler to push the buttons on your keyboard, redirect his or her attention to a different, age-appropriate toy to play with. "Disciplining" your child in this way provides a new opportunity to successfully behave.

Sometimes you can simply ignore misbehavior and your child will learn to modify it on his or her own. For example, if your child is whining in the grocery store, try saying "I can't hear you when you're whining," and then truly ignore them until the whining stops. Before long, they'll realize that the best way to maintain your attention - which is what they want! - is to curb that unpleasant whine.

Time Out is simply removing your child from the situation for a period of time. Select a location, such as a special chair, to be your Time Out spot. The general rule of thumb is one minute of Time Out per year of age. For example, a three-year-old would be in Time Out for three minutes. The main key to using this strategy effectively is to avoid engaging your child in conversation during the Time Out! You may also find it helpful to use a kitchen timer to count the minutes for you.

Removing privileges is a powerful tool. When your children begin to outgrow the effectiveness of the traditional Time Out strategy, you can begin putting toys in Time Out. As children grow, this might change to removing video game privileges or even restricting the privilege to wear favorite items of clothing. You'd be surprised by how effective this strategy can be! In addition, it is helpful to reinforce the distinction between "privileges" and "rights" as you employ this strategy.

Sometimes it's best just to let the natural consequences of your child's actions speak for themselves. If your pre-teen gets detention at school for talking back to the teacher, don't intervene and try to arrange for a more convenient punishment. Instead, allow your child to experience the unsettling result of the natural consequences. Sometimes that's the best "lesson" in itself.

Behavior modification is when you help your child become aware of a certain behavior by noting their progress on a chart or calendar. For example, if you want your children to take more responsibility for brushing their teeth, you might post a behavior modification chart in the bathroom where they can add a check mark each time they remember. You might agree that after ten check marks, they'll receive a special treat or reward, such as going to the park or playing a game together.

The Chore Chart is a fun parenting tool for kids to earn rewards in a new way. It has 5 pegs, 50 bright colored chore cards and 150 reward tokens. I attached mine to the wall with double stick tape. Now my kids say "I DID MY CHORES!"

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