The Effect of Single Parenting

In an age when cohabitation and divorce are common, single parents concerned with the effect a single parent household has on their children may want to choose new partners slowly and deliberately.

Have you ever wondered what the effect of being a single parent is on your children? Well, I wonder about it all the time. Am I giving them too much or too little? Have I scarred them for the rest of their life because they don't have two parents that are married? I hope that some of these questions will be answered for you here.

Single parents often act out of guilt. We become more permissive with our children because of guilt over the lack of a second parent than children do in two parent households. Often, as a single parent, we tend to talk to our children about household issues, which can add more pressure to their lives.

Parenting
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I know all about this. I am a single parent, and often make the mistake of being more permissive and more of a "friend", than a mother. This is not an example of bad parenting, just the guilt of being the single parent and the effect this is having on their lives.

We make this mistake because we think that if we are our children's friends that this will somehow alleviate the guilt many single parents have. We feel guilty that we have to work all of the time and can't see them as often, we feel guilty that we can't give them the material things that they want. Permissive parenting takes hold and we allow them to get away with things that we normally would not, again, out of guilt or exhaustion.

The solution is to know the effects of single parenting and continue to be close to your kids and keep working on trust. When they are adults and gone you will be grateful that you did, because you will maintain a closeness to them even if they move away; as far as your friendship needs, spend some time with other adults (and give yourself permission to do so) so that you can be an effective parent, rather than a needy one.

Although the statistics show differently, there can be positive effects of raising your children in a single parent household. The key is to know how to find the positive and get rid of the negative. It is never easy, but sometimes we can't choose our path, and if this is the path you are on, then you must make the best of it.

Creating Strong Family Bonds

You are working and your kids are at school, activities and friends houses, but when you are together...you are together. That one on one time that you spend with your child is priceless, and it turns into a bond that is strong enough to last a life time. You, as a single parent, are the only person that is there for your child, which also improves the bonding experience, and when you see your child as an adult, you can be proud of the way that he/she turned out, because of your effective single parenting.

Using the support of family and friends

From my own experience as a Single Mother, family and friends are often there to pick up the slack, when you are just too wiped out to go another step or have an important meeting that you just can't miss. This is invaluable help, and it helps your child develop that sense of family that is so important. Always keep your eyes open for single parent support groups in your area, as that is also a great source of help.

Sharing the Household Responsibilities

Let your children know how appreciated they are when they help around the house. Whether it is putting away the groceries, or cleaning their room, children have a sense that you need their help, and they develop independence and self esteem when they are helping with the everyday tasks.

Having a Sense of Family

Having a sense of family is the greatest gift that a single parent can give their child. Children raised by single parents know that they are not the center of the family, but that they make up the family with you as the parent and their siblings, Aunts and Uncles, cousins and Grandparents. This is something that will serve them well throughout their lives, as when they go and form their own family, they will instill this same effect on their own family unit.

Although single parenting can be tough, it is rewarding and fulfilling. If you parent from the heart, you are sure to create a healthy, loving relationship with your child. Your child's physical, emotional and spiritual well-being now and in the future depends on this.

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