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Parents do not have to like their ex-spouse to make an agreement during mediation on behalf of their children, they just have to love the children more than they hate the ex-spouse.Positive Parenting Through Divorce Class Online Nationally court approved Positive Parenting divorce class - obtain court required certificate easily online - helpful informative articles for divorcing parents with children.
The Child custody mediation process is one in which parents work together to devise a parenting plan that is mutually acceptable to both parents. This parenting plan may be quite structured, specifying the day-to-day time share of the children, as well as plans for holidays, vacations, and other special issues of the family. By working together to develop a parenting plan, parents can avoid the battles which are so damaging in an adversarial process, and can include their children in the decision-making in a way that empowers them in a healthy way. When parents use arbitration and develop a parenting plan on their own, their children will be able to avoid loyalty conflicts and are less likely to feel the stress of battling parents. When children are included in the decision-making process, they benefit because they can express their feelings and know that their parents are listening to them. Mediation gives children a much greater sense that they have a say in their lives and a freedom to contribute to the decisions that affect their lives. Research shows that intervention can reduce litigation over custody. When parents participate in mediation, they are likely to reach a settlement 60 to 70 % of the time. Parents are usually much more satisfied with mediation than with litigation. Most important, however, if parents use arbitration, they will have control over the parenting plan, whereas in adversarial litigation, the judge determines how parents will spend time with their children. With the improved satisfaction, the increased mutual decision-making, and the decreased hostility, intervention is clearly a healthier alternative than litigation.
Approach mediation with an open mind, and be willing to listen. Parents who are open and listen to the mediator and their ex-spouse are the ones who are able to reach a settlement and develop a mutually satisfactory parenting plan. Those who believe there is only one solution to custody and visitation issues are usually fairly stubborn and generally refuse to compromise. If parents come prepared to be open, they can brainstorm options until they find a solution that works for everyone, especially their children. 
Parents should come prepared with several options. Do homework before arbitration. Think about and write out proposals so that they can be referred to in the negotiation session. A parent will not want to forget to discuss something that is important in the arbitration. Parents need to make sure they understand their child's needs and stay focused on their child and his needs. Parents need to be aware of the impact of conflict on their child.Mediation is not the place to focus on the other parent. Intervention usually breaks down when parents argue about the "he said - she said" issues between them. This is not a place to rehash marital problems but a place to solve parenting problems after divorce. Parents need to communicate about their child and their perception of his or her needs. If a parent is concerned about the other parent's anger, they should talk about their child's need for peace. If a parent is concerned about the fact that the other parent lets their daughter stay up too late, talk about her need for routine and structure. Parents need to be open to what they might need to change for their child's benefit. Parents should always avoid character assassinations. Parents need to bring a sense of balance and humor. At times during negotiations, things get tense. Parents need to maintain a perspective that balances their desires, the other parent's desires, and their child's needs. While this is the goal, it may not be easy. Listen to the mediator's advice and consider it. The mediator will most likely have the child's best interests in mind, even if the parents cannot agree on what that is. Parents need to recognize that the mediator's job is to try and balance the child's needs and each parent's desires. The mediator does this while encouraging parents to reach a parenting solution. If nothing else works, sometimes a humorous, but not rude, comment can break this tension, and help everyone get back to work. While any parent will want to hold firm to their major beliefs and values, there may be many ways to satisfy these beliefs. Parents should be open to different ideas, keep working to satisfy their goals, and be willing to compromise to reach a peaceful solution on behalf of their children.
The focus of mediation is to create a plan that is best for the children. We know that in non-abusive situations, it is best for children to have access to both of their parents. The process of arbitration side-steps a lot unnecessary arguing and helps parents create a working relationship through which the children can thrive. To Return To Divorce, Click Here
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If things get tense, parents need to remember that they are there for the children, not themselves. Parents do not have to like their ex-spouse to make an agreement on behalf of their children, they just have to love the children more than they hate the ex-spouse. Take a brief time-out from the negotiation session if necessary. Some parents need several mediation sessions to reach a satisfactory settlement.