Parents don't always agree on what's best for their children. This is natural. It happens in every relationship.

A child visitation schedule will enable the parents to know week by week what days and times are designated for visitation by each parent. If changes need to be made, times can easily be adjusted to accommodate special circumstances.

Your parenting plan (also called a "custody and visitation agreement") is a legal document. It is also very personal. You need to make a plan that is in the best interest of your child.

* Meet your child's basic needs for love, protection and guidance, a healthy diet, good medical care and enough rest.
* Consider your child's age, personality, experiences, and ability. Every child is different. Adjust your plan to your child, NOT your child to your plan.
* Give your child regular, consistent times with each of you for day-to-day care, overnights, activities, schoolwork, vacations, and holidays. Use a calendar to help you.
* Give your plan enough detail so it's easy to understand and enforce.
* Give your child a sense of security and a reliable routine.

What to Put in Your Parenting Plan

"Physical custody," which means time with the children. Think about activities, overnights, and day-to-day care:

- Where should my child be during the week? On weekends?
- Where should my child be for holidays, summer vacations, and special days?
- Which parent will be in charge of which activities (sports, music, homework)?
- Which parent is in charge at which times?
- How will my child get from one parent to the other? Who will pay the costs?

"Legal custody," which means making decisions about the children. Be clear and specific about which decisions each parent can make on their own and which decisions you will make together:

- Schools?
- Daycare?
- Religion?
- Medical and dental care?
- Emergency care?
- Jobs and driving (for older children)?

Make Your Parenting Agreement Work

Use a calendar

- Have a calendar that shows where the children will be and when. Put your calendar in a place that is easy to see. If you need to make a change, explain why. Children and parents do better when things are clear.

Watch your children

- Watch to see how they do with the schedule.
- If they aren't doing well, talk to the other parent and try to find a way to fix things.
- Make sure they know that the separation or divorce is not their fault.
- Tell them you love them and will take care of them.
- Let them tell you how they feel about all the changes and what they need from you. And try to listen without getting defensive.

When you and the other parent don't agree

- Listen to the other parent and respect his or her point of view.
- Control your emotions, just like you do at work.
- Read the "Ways to Communicate" section above.
- Do what's best for your children.
- Don't put your children in the middle of your fights with the other parent.

Changing your plan

You might need to change your parenting plan when your children get older and things in their lives change. Talk it over with the other parent or see a counselor or minister to help you. If that doesn't work, you may want to go back to family court mediation. Click here to find the family court services program in your county.

Parenting Checklist

1. Goals of parenting after separation

2. Decision making for education, medical treatment, religious upbringing

3. Schedule for children

• Weekdays/nights and weekends (Regular school year)• School vacations• Holidays (e.g. Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, NewYear’sEve, New Year’s Day, Good Friday, Easter, Palm Sunday, MemorialDay, July 4th, Labor Day, Halloween, others)• Special days (e.g. children’s birthdays, parents’ birthdays, Mother’sDay, Father’s Day)• Jewish Holidays (e.g. Passover, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur,Hanukkah)

4. Special Agreements

• Pick up and return• Child care arrangement• Sick days – School in service days• Payment for college• Education and health information about children• Consistency between homes• Labels for Custody• Other

5. Missed Visits

• Notice• Reimbursement for expenses incurred

6. Evolving Parenting Arrangements

• Parent moving away• Step-Parents – Blended family• Growing older• Children’s future• Regular Reviews

7. Decision-Making and Parent Meetings

• Meet and confer• Mini evaluations• Required mediator

To view a sample parenting plan, click here.

If you have children together, you're stuck. No matter how awful your divorce gets, and no matter how difficult your spouse seems, you are still parents together. You will still be partners (although often reluctant partners) in rearing your children.

And your partnership continues as long as both of you are living, not just until the children are grown. Graduations, weddings, grandchildren, divorces. Each one of these will jerk you back into co-parenting mode.

This relationship must be reorganized to fit the new role and responsibilities of parenting apart. The parenting plan is a written, legal document that helps parents share the time, care giving responsibilities and financial obligations of being a parent. The plan should have enough detail to be useful, yet enough flexibility to be realistic.

The ultimate goal of a parenting plan is to provide the details that reflect the best interests of the child. I suggest you take a look at Parenting Agreement/Plan. This Publication covers EVERYTHING you need to know about creating a Parenting Agreement/Plan that can last until your children are on their own. It provides you with a complete 40 page fill in the blank worksheet, and will save you money in the long run.

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