What type of parenting style do you have? Take the Quiz and find out!

Write down your responses, then when you get to the bottom of the page, your answers will tell you what type of parenting style you use with your children. Use this as a tool, not as an absolute, and you may just find that you don't know your own style of parenting at all.

a) Scold him for being shy and make him say hello.
b) Ignore his shyness and let him gradually overcome it as he gets older.
c) Apologize for his shyness and explain that he is just little.
d) Ignore his shyness, but show pleasure any time he interacts with your neighbor.

Your ten-year-old daughter comes to breakfast late and in her pajamas. It is now too late for her to dress, eat, and make it to school on time. You would:

a) Scold her for being late and restrict her evening activities.
b) Let her go to school late, and let her deal with her teacher herself.
c) Dress her while she eats and get her to school on time.
d) Give her a choice of either dressing at home and eating in the car, or eating at home and dressing in the car. But you let her decide.

Your son gets a D on his report cart and feels discouraged. You would:

a) Take away T.V. until he improves his grade.
b) Say nothing since his other marks are good.
c) Console him by fixing his favorite meal.
d) Tell him that you know he feels sad, but he did well in his other subjects and you appreciate his efforts.

Your overweight daughter tells you boys never call her and she has no date for the school dance. You would:

a) Tell her boys would probably call her if she wasn’t overweight, then restrict her diet.
b) Tell her not to worry because she will find another boy some day.
c) Tell her no mater what others think you will always love her, and others will love her too.
d) Empathize with her concerns, but remind her she may have to choose between being popular and satisfying her craving for sweets.

Your daughter tells you her little brother cheated her in a game. You would:

a) Scold your son for cheating and temporarily remove one of his toys.
b) Tell her not to get upset because he is only little.
c) Play with her yourself for a while and tell her you are proud of her for not cheating.
d) Tell her you know it is not fun to feel cheated, but you’re confident she can work it out with her brother.

Your son tracks mud on your clean kitchen floor. You would:

a) Scold him and make him clean it up.
b) Ignore it because it was an accident.
c) Clean it up for him since boys will be boys.
d) Tell him you are annoyed, and he can either clean his muddy shoes when he comes in, or not wear them in the house. You then discuss cleaning the floor.

Your son promised to come home on time for dinner, but arrives an hour late. You would:

a) Punish him by depriving him of dinner.
b) Say nothing since he is now safely home.
c) Tell him you were worried about him.
d) Tell him how you feel when he doesn’t keep his word, then let him eat the cold leftovers.

Your six year old daughter refuses to eat her dinner. You would:

a) Insist she eat before letting her leave the table.
b) Disregard it and let her skip dinner.
c) Tell her how important it is for her to eat good food.
d) Feed her something else nutritious that she likes.

Your nine year old son comes to the dinner table dirty. You would:

a) Tell him he is filthy, and then make him wash.
b) Let him eat that way since boys always get dirty.
c) Get the wash cloth for him and help him wash.
d) Remind him of the family rule that people who wish to eat here must be clean then remove his plate until he has washed.

Your twelve-year-old daughter refuses to set the table before dinner as she agreed. You would:

a) Make her set the table then restrict her TV that night.
b) Forget about it since no child is perfect, and remind yourself that she will set it when she has her own place.
c) Set the table for her, but remind her how much you appreciate it when she does.
d) Delay dinner until her chore is complete. If she still refuses, go out to dinner with your spouse.

The emphasis here is on proper behavior. The advantage of this mode, when successful, is that parents get well-behaved children that make them feel proud. In addition, they do not have to put up with back talk. The children get clear and consistent guidelines for conduct.

The “a” responses in the quiz represent this method. Eight “a” choices indicate you may be a firm parent.

RELAXED The relaxed style is characterized by an easygoing attitude toward the children. These parents respect their children’s ability to master their own problems and allow them develop at their own pace.

In these families, children seldom feel controlled, pressured, or guilty. Because they are permitted more time to explore, experiment, and play the children develop a greater capacity for creative behavior.

The “b” choices represent this mode. Eight “b” answers suggest you may be a Relaxed parent.

NURTURING The Nurturing style is parenting in its most maternal form. Here children are given an abundance of love and affection with little, other then love, expected in return. With this style, children clearly feel protected and cared about.

The advantage is that both parents and children get to experience close and affectionate love bonds. And children, because they are loved without demands or conditions, feel inherently valuable and important. This style does the most toward building self-esteem in children.

The “c” choices are indicative of this style. Eight or more “c” choices suggest you may be a Nurturing parent.

FLEXIBLE The flexible style is usually seen in the families of happy children. This mode consists of a combination of the Firm, Relaxed, and Nurturing styles utilized somewhat evenly and usually in a democratic fashion.

The flexible style tends not to go to extremes in any mode. It is characterized by fairness, mutual respect, and openness to ideas from all family members. The natural consequences of one’s behavior are usually stressed as the reason for making choices. Family rules are developed thorough discussion whenever possible.

Although there are limits on what behavior is acceptable, and parents do have the ultimate say, nevertheless these parents do listen to their children and, within reason, try to meet their needs.

Flexible parents endeavor to avoid strongly imposing their authority on their children. But when they do, because it is so infrequent, their children more readily comply.

The “d” answers represent this style. Eight “d” responses suggest you are most likely a Flexible parent.

It should also be noted, however, that the truly flexible parent would also choose answers in the “a,” “b,” or “c” groups. This is because the "d" choices are not the only effective or appropriate responses to the situations presented.

Thus, a choice pattern that is somewhat evenly divided also indicates flexibility. And, of course, many other responses could easily be made and still foster a home atmosphere conducive to healthy emotional growth.



So, I took the quiz, and I have two kids. I am a mix between flexible and firm. Very opposite ends of the spectrum. There was a few nurturing thrown in for good measure, but I had no answers for relaxed. I wonder if I should work on that?

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