When I write an article I'm aiming to motivate people, to get them to look at things a little positively, instead of as though they're a victim of life.

Single parents and their children constitute a rapidly increasing population. Much of the initial research on single parent families focused on single mothers due to the father's absence. More recently, single fathers, unwed teenage mothers, other single parents and the adjustment processes of single parents and their children have received more attention. Although the common assumption from early research was that single-parent households are a pathological family form, these units today provide a viable alternative to the nuclear families.

Yet, social development, in a traditional sense, has not prepared either males or females to be single parents. Single mothers and fathers need to establish strong support networks, personal friendships, and new social networks, and work on improving their self-esteem. Many single parents learn to live on reduced incomes, find acceptable ways to deal with a non-custodial parent, and redefine their relationships with their children.

Single parents report differences in parent-child interactions in their new family structure. They see themselves as more respectful and more able to encourage individual opinions from their children. They find themselves utilizing reason and threats, but not following through with physical punishment. Although they are more likely to report feeling angry toward their children, single parents more often take the children's preferences into account.

Single fathers have found synchronization of work, supervision of children, and household management to be the major focuses of concern. They are able to perform homemaking tasks such as cooking, cleaning, and shopping without considerable difficulty. In fact, homemaking is a major part of single-fathers' roles. Fathers today seem to be more familiar with these roles in home management and childcare than their predecessors

While both custodial and non-custodial parents are learning to redefine their relationships with children, custodial fathers find they are required to make major shifts in life-styles and priorities as a result of being the primary caregiver of the child. The bonds between fathers and children become new focal points for self-direction and set the criteria for organization of more traditional spheres of work and social life. Single fathers develop close relationships with their children. They have a greater appreciation of responsibility in being the primary parent. They show more concern about day care, more interest in education and protection of their children, and more discipline orientation.

Children living in single-parent families also have additional stresses, but they find ways to adapt and thrive. A recent study found several characteristics in single-parent families that encourage positive youth development. These assets and building blocks serve as protective factors for all young people, including those in single-parent families.

Several assets highlight the critical influence of family dynamics on adolescent well-being. thers point toward the influence support systems have on families' adjustment - quality schools, friends who are a positive influence, extracurricular organizations, and religious institutions. This external network of support provides the key to success of single parent families.

Rearing families as single parents is tough work. However, with special effort, and the support of individuals, communities, and institutions around them, single parent families can be supportive, healthy families in which young people will thrive.

Need a little help focusing on what your kids need? Sometimes it's hard to remember day to day what our job is as a parent. For twelve areas that you may be able to relate to in determining what is important to you as a mother, Click here.

1 - Forgive even if you will never be able to Forget -

Let go of grudges you may hold against your child’s other parent, who is absent from BOTH of your lives. Holding onto feelings of anger will not change your situation and will probably consume a great deal of your energy - energy you need to devote to creating a positive environment for your child. If you dwell on your disappointment with and/or dislike of the father or mother of your child - chances are your child will sense your feelings and suffer in some way from your negative attitude.

2 - Make the most of everything you have -

Even if you do not have a lot of money, you do have your child and your love and your time to give to him or her. Try to remember that monetary wealth and material possessions are not the most important items in your child’s life. Your love, support and time together mean much more to them. You can have fun for free. Activities like - going for a walk or a bike ride, playing at the park, coloring, painting, singing, or dancing - will thrill your child just as much as spending money to go to an amusement park, an arcade or a toy store.

3 - Be the best parent you can possibly be -

Give as much as you can without setting goals that are unrealistic for one parent to achieve. Don’t beat yourself up for what cannot be. Do recognize what you can do to create a good life for your child to the best of your abilities.

4 - Develop a network of reliable resources -

Families are not biological. Surround yourself and your child with friends you know and trust - people who care about both of you. “Aunts” and “Uncles” and even “Grandparents,” who are not blood-related can be just as beneficial to your child as actual biological family members. The “family” you create for your child can provide him or her with the same kind of love and support as a traditional family. They can also help you with your responsibilities as a single parent. Let them play an active role in your child’s life. Learn to turn to your “family” when you need a break. Nobody should have to go it alone and you will probably be able to be a better parent by relying on your “family” of close friends to support you and your child.

5 - Take responsibility for your life today -

Remember whatever lead you to where you are today, you are responsible for another life - the innocent life of a child, who didn’t ask to be born. Your child is not responsible for the experiences or events that made you become a single parent. Your child is completely dependent upon you through no choice of their own. Don’t let them down or hold them accountable for your actions (or the actions of their absent parent). They are powerless and vulnerable to the possibly less-than-ideal consequences they face as the child of a single parent. Your role and influence in their life is paramount to their chances of becoming a happy, productive, successful adult. They need you more than their words will ever tell.

6 - Set up daily rituals and regular routines -

Your child needs stability and security. One way to provide this is by developing a daily routine. Simple things like - going to the park every Sunday afternoon, eating dinner together each night, sharing a treat before nap time or reading a book together before bed every night, will become activities that your child looks forward to and can count on to occur with regularity.

7 - Be consistent and dependable -

Create realistic rules and a standard of discipline that you stick to all the time. If you’re consistent with your child, he or she will learn what is acceptable behavior and what is not. They will also learn what you expect from them and what they can expect from you. If you’re dependable, they will know that they can always count on you to help them with their homework, be there for dinner or tuck them in bed at night. They have to be able to depend on you. You’re the most important person in their life. Try to remember that no matter how tired you are at the end of the day or how frustrated you may become when they’re fussy - They need you to be there for them. You should cherish every moment with your child - they are the best blessings on earth.

Single parenting has seemingly become an acceptable norm which is unfortunate. According to the US Census Bureau, there were over 20 million single parents in the United States in the year 2000. That's a staggering statistic, certainly the worldwide number of people who are challenged with single parenting is exponentially higher.

When making a divorce decision and you have children, its natural to wonder about the challenges of single parenting and how it will affect your children. You may have seen other people struggle with single parenting or thought about the strain single parenting would seemingly put on you and your children.

Single Parenting Is Easier If You Know Yourself.

When deciding about getting a divorce and thinking about how single parenting figures in, make sure that you know yourself. Ask yourself if you're really ready to get divorced and if you can overcome the fear or challenge of single parenting. Don't be hasty with your decision, who knows? Maybe your marriage can be saved! Then again, maybe not.

Know yourself...know whether or not you're thinking of single parenting solely to take something away from your spouse...clearly a selfish and useless reason to be a single parent. Know whether or not you can adequately be a single parent based on your inner strength, work ethic, tendencies towards being overly busy, etc.

Single parenting is tough, what you may be able to take for granted as a married person will be gone if you're thinking of trying single parenting. Chances are if you're thinking of trying single parenting, you won't have much time at all for yourself...in essence, your 'self' will be all about your children. Know whether you're really ready for this...after all your children deserve the best care possible!

Single Parenting Is Easier If You Know Your Children.

Yes, you have to really know your children...you have to know how they'll respond to a plethora of changes if you're going to try single parenting. How will they respond to not seeing your spouse - Mom or Dad - as often? How will your children react to having to be dropped off at your ex-spouses house for visitation? How will the children feel about potentially not enjoying the same luxuries or attention that they may have had previously? Of course, there's more questions to ask to fit your particular situation...keep your children's best interest at heart.

You absolutely must know your children in order to be comfortable about trying single parenting. Granted, it won't be easy and there will be rocky points in the process, but if you know your children well enough single parenting can be productive assuming your marriage cannot be saved. In any event, your children most likely will have to sacrifice if you're going to try single parenting.

Single Parenting Will Be Easier If You Review Your Finances And Plan Accordingly.

Whether the concept is shallow or not is irrelevant. Finances (or lack thereof) figure in to your decision to venture into single parenting. Take a hard look at what your finances will allow for if you're thinking of becoming a single parent. You must not let emotion completely rule your decision to try single parenting. In order to do what's best for you and your children, you need to assess just how you'll make ends meet and how you'll provide for them...and yourself!

Be sensible and take a good amount of time to figure out how you'll live, where the money will come from, how your own freedoms will be compromised, and more importantly, how your children's freedoms will be affected!

If you have a well laid out plan with regards to finance before you start single parenting, you will be much better off.

Single parenting is hard and your children will be affected no matter how well off you are in your life with regards to finance and support mechanisms. But, unfortunately, single parenting can be a necessary thing to do in some instances. Just do right by your children and yourself and think about the future and how you can build your life correctly before you venture into single parenting.

A single parent is a parent with one or more children, who is neither married, nor living together with his or her partner. The definition of single parenthood may vary according to local laws of nations or provinces. But in typical cases, a parent may be left alone after divorce, after abandonment by the other parent, or after the other parent has died. Some individuals choose to become parents out of wedlock through artificial insemination or adoption. In some countries, teenage single parents have become a serious social issue (see also teenage pregnancy).

In most cases the mother retains custody of her child or children, although the father usually obtains custody in Islamic republics,(Pakistan being a notable exception). Among divorced single parents in the U.S., according to the U.S. Census Bureau, only 15% of custodial parents in 2002 were men.

While many view single parents as being a modern phenomenon the percentage of single parents has remained relatively constant. For instance in 1900 13% of Canadian families were single parent ones; in 1996 the number was 14%. The major change is in cause. In 1900 most single parent families were the result of the death of a parent, while in 1996 they were usually caused by divorce.

Single parent homes are often described as "broken". This is a misnomer as many children living with only one parent lead productive social and educational existences. However, in cases of divorce, some children feel that they have been excluded from seeing their fathers or mothers. This is known to have unproductive and damaging effects on a child's development.

Single Parent and Child OutcomesToday in the United States, being raised by a single parent is not uncommon. About three in ten children live in a single parent home. The most common type of single parent home is one with only a mother. This is the most common because it is much easier for the father to get out of the situation. The mother has to give birth to the child and oftentimes this leaves them with more of a connection with the child than otherwise. However, single father homes are the fastest growing type of family situation. The amount of single fathers out there has grown by 60% in the last ten years alone.

Growing Up In a Single Parent HomeIdeally, every child should be raised in a loving environment. Unfortunately there are circumstances where this does not occur, and some of these include households that leave a child to be raised by either just the mother or the father. Family structure contributes to five characteristics of a child’s well being. These include, lower birthrates and higher death rates among infants when there is just one parent. Also, the number of children ages 15-17 in school and in good health is much lower, and the amount of children becoming pregnant at these ages is increasing. However, it is important to understand that children raised in single parent homes do worse than those with caregivers that can give the child lots of attention in all areas including academics, emotions, and their health.

There are also signs that children out of wedlock or that have gone through a divorce have problems with depression (mood), emotional stress, and difficulties in school. Problems like this however may not be because of the parent who raised them, but can be linked to other things that are also related to single parenting. When there is only one parent, the family is often less well off financially and this is the main reason for so many family problems. The effects of coming from a low-income family can be things like lower education levels, lower economic achievement and even leave the child isolated and lonely. Being a single parent and struggling for money often coincide so sometimes it is hard to tell which is the actual problem.Single parent homes are also associated with criminal activity. Children that do not have either a mother or a father account for 72% of teenage murderers, 60% percent of people who commit rape crimes and are eleven times more likely to exhibit violent behavior. Reasons for this have to do with the fact that these children are generally less supervised, their actions are less monitored and there is usually less communication between the child and parent, and that most likely they come from poor families.

When there is a single parent situation, there are differences between being raised by just a mother and being raised by just a father. The roles that mothers and fathers play have been dictated by society. It is these culturally favored family practices of the mother cooking and cleaning while the father works and brings home money, that create the gendered behaviors. There are actually very few differences in the child’s outcome by being raised by their mother compared to being raised by just a father, the same problems of single parenting exist for both sexes.

Growing Up with a Single MotherThis is by far the most common instance of single parenting; single mothers out number single fathers nine to one. The problems that single mothers face are that they have a harder time providing for their families because women generally have lower paying jobs. So, they have all the problems that lower income families have, but they have to raise a child on top of it.Even though women face greater financial problems, they tend to be more nurturing to the child. Females are known for being more emotional and show these emotions more often than men. So, they are more likely to nurture their children by telling them they love them, hugging them, and showing affection towards them. Women often yearn to mother a child because they have been mothered previously in their life. There is a book by Peggy Dexler called, “Raising Boys Without Men”. Dexler is a Stanford grad that received a PhD in gender studies and she has very unique ideas that she writes in this book. She claims that children would be better raised by lesbian couples or single mothers, rather than having any father in their life. She writes that without a father, children will be emotionally stronger, have a wider range of interests and friendships, and are more at ease during conflicts. What she fails to look at though is that juvenile crime, teenage pregnancy, teen drug abuse, and school drop outs can be linked to fatherless children. Although there are some benefits of having only a motherly influence, you cannot leave out the negative effects of growing up without a father. Some positive things that come along with being a single mother is that opposed to males they usually have a more extensive support system. They are often closer to friends and families who can help them through tough times and even be there to support the mother in raising her children. The negative effects are that because the woman makes less money, she has to work longer hours, which leaves her with less time for her child and this lack of supervision can lead the child to crime or other misbehavior. However, if women remarry, it is possible for the stepfather to help them out in some of these areas.

Growing Up with a Single FatherFather’s make up about 13% of single parents. These days fathers, married or single, have been changing their roles in the family setting. Today, they can be found more in helping kids in a classroom setting, they are involved in house chores, they help out in the kitchen and other previously considered “mother” roles. Before this, fathers just were not socialized to be primary caregivers, but now it is not so rare to see a father raising a child on his own. As stated earlier, financial issues are the main reason that children face problems when raised by a single person. Men tend to have higher positions in the work force, which in turn gives them higher salaries. So, single men do not run into the economic issues that single women do. This is not a benefit in all areas though, because single fathers still have their problems. Fathers often do not communicate as well with their children as mothers do and this leads to children raised by just a father to be more likely to use marijuana and to have tried other illicit drugs, to have been drunk three or more times, and to have had sex at an earlier age. This does contradict the fact that most people think that fathers are stricter than mothers, however they tend to be less disciplinary than single mothers. Fathers can have a great influence on their child though, because the best way for a son to learn to be a good father is by watching his own. Some biological factors that effect children living in a single father home are that females tend to reach menarche at an earlier age. Some reasons for this include single- and two-parent families have different patterns of parental care resulting in differences in reproductive development, social learning may account for developmental differences as father-absent girls model their mothers' sexual behavior, and reproductive strategies may be heritable. Other things that may effect the child is the appearance of a stepmother. Most divorced men remarry within five years, and this changes the environment because usually the father becomes healthier and more socially secure. If the children get along with the stepmother it can have a very positive effect on all people in the new family.

Helping Single Fathers and Mothers Raising a child on one’s own can be very stressful on a person, but they can encounter some benefits. Single parents strengthen their parenting skills, their ability to manage families better, communication; they also become better with organization skills and are more dependable. With all the responsibility that comes along with being a single parent, there are organizations out there to help them out. MetLife is a great resource for single parents to use because they offer things like tips on a variety of issues and even single parent support groups.

Having worked with parents for the last 35 years and written books on parenting and relationships, I’ve discovered that one of the greatest challenges for us as parents is to be loving role-models for our children, showing our children through our behavior how to take personal responsibility for their own feelings and needs. Our children need to learn from our role-modeling how to nurture themselves within and how to create a sense of safety in the world. In families where both a mother and father are present, both parents can participate in nurturing the child emotionally and taking care of the child in the world, and both parents can role-model what it looks like to do this for themselves.

Single parents have a far greater challenge - they have to be both mother and father to the child. Mothering energy is that energy that nurtures while fathering energy is that energy that protects in the world - that is, earning money, setting boundaries with others, speaking up for oneself. While our society often defines women as the nurturers and men as the protectors, both men and women are capable of both nurturing and protecting in the world.

In order for a single parent to successfully be both mother and father, he or she must have learned how to be both mother and father to the Child within. In other words, we have to have learned how to nurture our own Inner Child - how to take responsibility for our own fears, pain, anger, hurt, and disappointment, and how to take care of our Inner Child in the world - earn money, set boundaries, and so on. There is no way to successfully teach our children these skills until we are doing them ourselves, which means that each of us needs to be in a process of learning how to do this.

We have developed a process that teaches us how to care for and nurture ourselves, while also loving others. This process, called Inner Bonding, teaches us how to become a loving Adult to our own Inner Child and to our actual children. Inner Bonding is a six-step psychospiritual process that can be learned and practiced daily, and that leads to the development of a spiritually-connected loving inner Adult.

Inner Bonding defines the Inner Child as our core self, who we are when we are born - our natural creativity, intuition, playfulness, imagination, talents, feelings, and ability to love. Our Child is our inner experience. Our Adult is everything we learn after we are born. It is our thoughts, beliefs, and ability to take action. We start learning how to be an Adult from the moment we are born through watching our parents and other caregivers. The Adult we learn to be is a child-adult, the part of us that learned many fears and false beliefs and learned addictive ways, such as using substances, TV, spending, anger, or compliance to avoid pain. A true loving Adult is that part of us that is spiritually connected to a Higher Source of truth and love and is able to bring that truth and love down into the Child and share it with others. The adult many of us operate from most of the time is really a wounded child masquerading as an adult. It is our unhealed wounded self that causes us problems with ourselves and our children. Inner Bonding is a process for healing the wounded self and developing a spiritually-connected loving Adult.

In Inner Bonding, there are only two possible intents at any given moment: the intent to learn about love and the intent to protect against and avoid pain. The intent to learn says that we want to learn about our own pain in order to understand what we need to do to be loving to our Inner Child and others; The intent to protect says that we want to avoid experiencing our pain at all cost. The child-adult is always in the intent to protect and the loving Adult is always in the intent to learn.

The six-steps of Inner Bonding are:

1. The willingness to become aware of our pain rather than protect against it with our various addictions.

2. The conscious decision to move into the intent to learn.

3. Dialoguing with our wounded self to discover the false beliefs and resulting behavior behind the pain. Releasing anger and pain in appropriate ways.

4. Dialoguing with our Higher Power to learn about truth and loving behavior.

5. Taking loving action in behalf or our Inner Child.

6. Evaluating the action.

All parents needs to be in a process of healing themselves. It is particularly important for single parents to be in this process since they are the primary role-models for their children. The more you heal the fears and false beliefs of your wounded self, the more loving you will naturally be with yourself and your children. Learning to utilize these six step throughout the day, especially in times of anger, fear, anxiety and stress, will eventually heal the false beliefs leading to these difficult feelings.