"In the nurturing family...parents see themselves as empowering leaders not as authoritative bosses. They see their job primarily as one of teaching their children how to be truly human in all situations. They readily acknowledge to the child their poor judgment as well as their good judgment; their hurt, anger, or disappointment as well as their joy. The parenting styles of these parents matches what they say."

Trying to locate simple, straightforward and truthful information concerning parenting styles is something we know to be difficult. Books, TV, Articles and Websites do not always help us implement ideas. We also know the more information you have the better, but too much can be conflicting. Parents should be confident when choosing their own personal style of parenting, and we hope you will find some of this information useful in your own effectiveness as a parent.

Giving Orders

This is an authoritarian parenting style. Parents that use this style feel they must be in control all the time. They parent by a set of rules that must be followed. Children have little or no freedom. Discipline is usually a form of reward and punishment. Children learn early to please their parents to gain a reward. They may behave because they fear their parents. Children either go along and have a hard time learning to think for themselves or they may rebel in reaction to the controlling methods of their parents.

Giving In

This is a permissive parenting style. Parents who adopt this style have concerns that their children will not like them if they set limits or they see themselves as their children's friend and not their parent who is there to guide and set limits. Children without limits have no sense of responsibility, have trouble with relationships and the rights of others and can find the world a difficult place. It is unfair to raise a child without limits or to keep changing the limits that are set. Children do not need or want freedom without limitations.

Giving Choices

Today's children will benefit most from a respectful, democratic parenting style. The days of "Do what I say without question" are over. This means seeing both parents and children as equals. Not in the sense of sameness but in value. Giving choices balances freedom with responsibilities. From an early age children can learn the consequences of their choices and that their decisions count. When children feel some ownership in their lives they are more cooperative. Parents can discipline without resorting to reward and punishment.

Learn why one style fits all parenting doesn't work. Discover why children aren't chips off the old block. Use the Parenting Style Survey to assess your parenting preferences. Find out why Blue parents promote compassion and harmony. See why Gold parents provide structure and consistent discipline. Understand why Green parents encourage questions and learning. Learn why Orange parents permit risky behaviors and freedom. If your children are slowly driving you crazy and you find their behaviors absolutely mystifying, then you'll want to discover your parenting style and learn how it affects your children. Insights on Parenting Styles will give you new parenting skills that will enhance your parent-child relationships.

Which is the most effective parenting style?

Most research indicates that authoritative parenting possesses the most effective balance between response and demand. This does not mean that you must adhere strictly to its definitions.
There are normal variations between every parenting style as well as a third element: negative psychological control, or intrusive, inhibiting and, manipulative parental behaviors and interaction patterns that negatively affect healthy child development. Authoritative parents tend to exhibit give and take with their children, allowing the child to actively participate in the understanding of the demands of their parents.
Children who have been raised in authoritative homes score higher on a variety of measures of competence, social development, self-perceptions, and mental health than those raised in authoritarian or permissive homes. This is true not only in childhood, but also during adolescence, as evidenced by a higher academic achievement and psychosocial development, and fewer behavioral problems.

How can I adopt a more Authoritative Style?

Below are examples of how to include the traits of authoritative parenting in your daily life, as well as understanding the effects of balancing demand, response, control and restriction, and how to show interest and actively participate in your child's life.

Examples of Balancing Demand and Response in the Authoritative Style of parenting.

Demanding and Responsive: David has weekend chores, but he wants to spend Saturday night a friend's house. His authoritative parents adhere to the demand, but are responsive to his needs. They determine that David must complete his chores sometime today or stay in Saturday until they are finished. This approach gives the child some decision-making and time-management experience. The goal is achieved without bitterness, repression, or punishment.

Controlling, but not Restrictive: Giving 3 year olds a choice between two alternatives allows them some autonomy, while the parent controls the situation. "Would you like peas or carrots for dinner tonight?" Don't ask a child whether or not to do something, as you will allow them the option to say "No." Then, if the child chooses "no," punishment would be unfair and unwarranted. If you are having trouble with this concept, remember to form your questions in the "yes,yes" form. The answer to the question will be yes, but to which alternative is not important, as long as both alternatives are something you can live with. Giving the child the opportunity to say no will only confuse the idea that you are in control, not your child.

High parent Involvement and Interest: Greta's mother is a working single parent with little free time, but she includes Greta in her chores. They go shopping together and make a game of it; they read the mail together; they even make dinner together, although it takes extra time and creates more of a mess. During these times, they talk about their days. Greta also gets a bedtime story and songs. Parent involvement takes many forms - going on outings, celebrating holidays, and being available to talk. Greta receives the message that her mother cares about her and that she will be there when needed.

Although every parent has their own style of parenting, it is important to remember and take into consideration the child that you are parenting. For some, books will truly help those parents who are in desperate need of parenting tips, for others there are tools that can be used, and for the techies, there is always a ton of websites with useful articles that talk about parenting styles.
Whichever way is right for you, is the way to go, we are just here to point you in a positive direction to improve your own personal parenting style.

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