Temper Tantrum

Even the most good-natured toddler has an occasional temper tantrum.

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Your toddler's second temper tantrum of the day shows no signs of stopping, and supersonic, ear-shattering, teeth-jarring screams pierce the air. Your first instinct is to run away and join the circus, but of course this isn't a real option. There must be a better way.

During the kicking-and-screaming chaos of the moment, tantrums can be downright frustrating. Temper tantrums range from whining and crying to screaming, kicking, hitting, and breath holding. They're equally common in boys and girls and usually occur from age 1 to age 3. Kids' temperaments vary dramatically � so some kids may experience regular tantrums, whereas others have them rarely.

Even the most good-natured toddler has an occasional temper tantrum. They're a normal part of development and don't have to be seen as something negative. Unlike adults, children don't have the same inhibitions or control. There are several basic causes of tantrums: The child is seeking attention or is tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. In addition, tantrums are often the result of kids' frustration with the world � they can't get something to do what they want. Frustration is an unavoidable part of their lives as they learn how people, objects, and their own bodies work.

The best way to deal with temper tantrums is to avoid them in the first place, whenever possible. Here are some strategies that may help:

Make sure your child isn't acting up simply because he or she isn't getting enough attention. To a child, negative attention (a parent's response to a tantrum) is better than no attention at all. Try to establish a habit of catching your child being good ("time in"), which means rewarding your little one with attention for positive behavior.
Try to give toddlers some control over little things. This may fulfill the need for independence and ward off tantrums. Offer minor choices such as "Do you want orange juice or apple juice?" or "Do you want to brush your teeth before or after taking a bath?" This way, you aren't asking "Do you want to brush your teeth now?" � which inevitably will be answered "no."
Keep off-limits objects out of sight and out of reach to make struggles less likely to develop over them. Obviously, this isn't always possible, especially outside of the home where the environment can't be controlled.
Distract your child. Take advantage of your little one's short attention span by offering a replacement for the coveted object or beginning a new activity to replace the frustrating or forbidden one. Or simply change the environment. Take your toddler outside or inside or move to a different room.
Set the stage for success when kids are playing or trying to master a new task. Offer age-appropriate toys and games. Also, start with something simple before moving on to more challenging tasks.
Consider the request carefully when your child wants something. Is it outrageous? Maybe it isn't. Choose your battles; accommodate when you can.
Know your child's limits. If you know your toddler is tired, it's not the best time to go grocery shopping or try to squeeze in one more errand.

The most important thing to keep in mind when you're faced with a child in the throes of a tantrum, no matter what the cause, is simple and crucial: Keep cool. Don't complicate the problem with your own frustration. Kids can sense when parents are becoming frustrated. This can just make their frustration worse, and you may have a more exaggerated tantrum on your hands. Instead, take deep breaths and try to think clearly.

Tantrums should be handled differently depending on the cause. Try to understand where your child is coming from. For example, if your little one has just had a great disappointment, you may need to provide comfort.

It's a different situation when the tantrum stems from a child's being refused something. Ignoring the outburst is one way to handle it � if the tantrum poses no threat to your child or others. Continue your activities, paying no attention to your child but remaining within sight. Don't leave your little one alone, though, otherwise he or she may feel abandoned on top of all of the other uncontrollable emotions.

Kids who are in danger of hurting themselves or others during a tantrum should be taken to a quiet, safe place to calm down. This also applies to tantrums in public places.

Older kids are more likely to use tantrums to get their way if they've learned that this behavior works. Once kids are school age, it's appropriate to send them to their rooms to cool off. Rather than setting a specific time limit, parents can tell them to stay in the room until they've has regained control. The former option is empowering � kids can affect the outcome by their own actions, thereby gaining a sense of control that was lost during the tantrum.

Occasionally a child will have a hard time stopping a tantrum. In these cases, it might help to say to say, "I'll help you settle down now." But do not reward your child after a tantrum by giving in. This will only prove to your little one that the tantrum was effective. Instead, verbally praise a child for regaining control. Also, kids may be especially vulnerable after a tantrum when they know they've been less than adorable. Now is the time for a hug and reassurance that your child is loved, no matter what.

Having a plan of action will help you deal with the temper tantrum before they start, and sometimes help you avoid them altogether. Ask yourself these simple questions, which will help you identify the triggers for your childs tantrums.

When do temper tantrums occur?
Where do temper tantrums happen?
Who is generally included?
What happens before, after, and during a tantrum?
What can I do to prevent a tantrum from occurring?
What ways can I handle the tantrum when it occurs?

By being able to answer these questions, you will hopefully avoid a lot of stress for yourself, as well as your child. Remember, tantrums are a normal part of growing up, for both you and your child. Love your kids, hug your kids, and make them feel like no matter what they do, you are there for them.

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